Finding Your Small Thing
by Jay, Jill & Ryan
Weekly, near the end of every post here at Banned Resistance, we share One Small Thing that readers can do to support and advocate for the lives of queer and trans youth. This week, we (Jay, Jill, and Ryan, the three founders of Banned Resistance) are each sharing how we find and lean into the things we do on the daily to help advocate for queer and trans youth. We were inspired to write this post by our own feelings of overwhelm when it comes to advocacy about topics or on behalf of people who we want to support, but who, like us, feel exhausted by everything going on, and one more decision seems impossible to make. We know that readers of Banned Resistance have deep care for and strong desire to advocate on behalf of queer and trans youth. It might feel like there is too much to do, or that you aren’t sure where to get started.
In this week’s post, we each share (in our own voice) some ideas about how you, our readers, might approach this question: How do I find my thing when it comes to supporting and advocating for queer and trans youth? In particular, we all reflect on how to answer this question when so many of us feel overwhelmed and even exhausted. We feel this too! And we share how we are trying to live out our answer to this question.
Ryan’s Thoughts:
When I think about finding my (or your) one small thing, one of the first things that comes to my mind is how many of us encounter blocks before we even get started. Maybe we feel burned out or exhausted, and the idea of doing another thing, even if it’s a small thing, can feel insurmountable. Or maybe we narrow our thinking right from the start, believing that only a few specific things get to “count” as advocacy, like the archetypes of attending protests, contacting politicians, and so forth. Of course, such forms of action are vital, and so too can they require energy. And there’s a danger in feeling exhaustion, pairing this with thinking that only certain things “count,” and then feeling discouraged and not getting started at all! What I want to suggest is that there is value in trying to think about your one small thing from a different angle.
When I approach this question, I think about: what do I enjoy? What fills my cup? What energizes me? And, in turn, how can I leverage that for advocacy? Starting from this place might help us to think about doing differently rather than doing more. There’s a qualitative rather than quantitative shift here. Rather than getting stuck in the false binary of “either I do what I love, or I do advocacy,” we might shift to a complementary “I can do both what I love and advocacy.” An easy example: maybe you were going to buy cookies anyways, maybe even Girl Scout cookies (I love the Samoas/Caramel deLites). Last week we suggested using Erin in the Morning’s list to buy them from trans girls in Girl Scouts. If you were going to spend your money in this way already, it’s not a heavy lift to buy the same thing from a different person. This approach embraces both/and thinking and avoids the either/or false dilemma!
Currently, I’m involved in a practitioner inquiry group with educators from across the country focused on LGBTQ+ advocacy in schools.Part of my work here as a professor is doing research, and my annual interviews with teachers in the group got me thinking about this both/and approach. For instance, one educator loves music, and she started volunteering to be the DJ for her local alternative prom for LGBTQ+ youth. Another teacher loves researching and curating resources (articles, video clips, podcasts, poetry, interviews, visual art, films, anything!) that help people learn about a topic. She started creating collections of these resources for our inquiry group to pair with the LGBTQ+ themed novels we read, helping all of us learn more.
These are just two examples. You can probably think of others! All of us have passions and skills that excite us. When we engage with them, doing so energizes us and fills our cup. Rather than our advocacy feeling like the either/or framing of “one more thing,” it flows from us with enthusiasm and joy when we get to do both/and. What are the things that you love? And how might you leverage one of these in a small way that helps contribute to the bigger effort of queer and trans advocacy? We need both your work and your joy in queer and trans advocacy, and I’m excited to see what you do.
Jay’s Thoughts:
Ryan brings up important considerations about what can block us before we even begin. In that same vein of what gets in the way of us taking action, I keep hearing from friends, family and clients alike that people are feeling overwhelmed by what’s happening in the world at large. When we feel overwhelmed, we tend to also feel tired, stressed, confused, and unfocused, which makes it difficult to figure out what we can do to create change. When I get overwhelmed I often feel stuck because I can’t find a way through and I’ve learned that in those moments an intentional pause and reset can be helpful to clear a path to action.
What does that intentional pause and reset look like? I find it helpful to first do some grounding work to clear my mind and ease my nervous system. Good examples of grounding work can be breathing exercises (like box breathing), a body scan, meditation, or tuning into your five senses. Next, I sort things into two categories: what I can control or influence and what I can’t. This helps me focus on a much smaller and more manageable list. From there I can brainstorm actions I can take to effect positive change.
When thinking about what I can do I think of it from two angles: what am I good at and what do I enjoy doing; i.e what are my skills and passions? Ryan shared some great examples of how to weave passions into advocacy work and that resonated with me. I’ll expand more on bringing our strengths and skills into advocacy work. I find it helpful to lean on my strengths when considering how I show up to advocacy work because it gives permission to stay in my lane rather than feeling pulled toward trying to do everything at once.Here at Banned Resistance, we try to model this idea. The three of us bring different skills to the table, and we also have an advisory team whose expertises fill in our gaps. Additionally, our guest contributors add their own unique experiences and knowledge. Without any one of us, our efforts are weakened. It emphasizes why identifying and leaning into your own strengths matters. None of us can be everything to all things and that’s not only okay, it allows us to each focus on our part and do more as a collective whole.
Jill’s Thoughts:
As a former elementary school teacher, I understand intimately the feeling of “there is already too much, how can I add one more thing to my day?” Years ago, as I was doing research in an early elementary classroom where the teacher was required to give multiple assessments, follow some scripts, and also meet the needs of a room full of wiggly 2nd graders, I watched as she grappled with how to integrate social justice topics into her very mandated days.
She realized that, although she couldn’t always do all of the things she wanted, she did have power over how to help kids transition from one part of the day to the next–from math to science, from lunch to English Language Arts. In these five to ten minute less restricted snippets, she would read texts, ask questions, start discussions that got kids thinking about gender stereotypes, the ways that racism was informing standardized testing (really. In 2nd grade), and on and on. These tiny moments of connection outside of the mandated scripts and assessments would inevitably make their way into children’s language and questions and observations in the more mandated parts of the curriculum. That teacher helped me see that little moments add up. They make a difference and have the potential to create new ways of seeing the world.
Here at Banned Resistance, we’ve published writing from a range of folks that we hope might help you find your small thing. We have each given suggestions for how to identify and choose the small things that fit your life. Another of Jill’s favorites comes from her friend and longtime collaborator, Dr. Caitlin L. Ryan. Sometimes, when presenting to rooms of teachers who aren’t sure what to do when they hear a queer or trans slur, Caitlin tells them to throw the two of them under that bus. “Oh! I have a gay friend, and it hurts when you say mean things about them!” Caitlin says, “we might be your first gay friends, but here we are! Use us.” She also jokes that everyone has a gay or trans uncle, and even if you don’t, nobody is looking up your family tree. This is similar advice that Jill’s mom once heard at a PFLAG meeting or from a minister a long time ago, not too many years after she came out. Someone advised her to “person the issue.” Put a face to that slur. In her mom’s case, the folks at church who’d watched her grow up, who’d been her Sunday school teachers, whose own children sang in the choir with her, now knew that they were talking about her when they said something homophobic, or voted for someone who pushed for anti-gay legislation.
So, dear readers of Banned Resistance, throw us under the bus. You know a queer lesbian (Jill), a transman (Jay), and a cis hetero guy (Ryan) who try to put it all on the line for queer and trans kids. We might be like you or different than you, but if we are the first in any of those categories that you know who advocate for queer and trans youth, or are harmed by anti-gay or anti-trans policies, or who understand that we don’t have to claim an identity to recognize and fight for the humanity of those who do, you can now use us as an example of how transphobic and homophobic legislation, words, and actions cause harm to people you know. It’s a small thing, but the more you do it, the more it adds up.
One Small Thing: We can’t help it: we love learning. For this week’s small thing, share in the comments the small thing or things you do to advocate for or bring joy to queer and trans youth.
Spot for Support: This week we are highlighting the work of Trans Student Educational Resources; a youth-led organization dedicated to transforming the educational environment for trans and gender non-conforming students through advocacy and empowerment. Founded in 2011, it is the only national organization led by trans youth.